| "Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it." |
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| And of course I am embarrassed |
[
10:33am on 3/12/09 ] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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Brown Train coming my way
I picked up a few times
just because i could
none of you were watching and i just did not care
I love the Railroad and heck it killed one of the best friends i ever had
The tracks are everywhere but do i know where i want to go
I feel afraid and i remember the last time i cared to take a train anywhere
Sweet J, she rained upon my soul in so many ways
and here i am on this train
again and again
Shoot he emailed me...
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[
03:11pm on 16/11/09 ] |
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hello
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[
09:40am on 15/11/09 ] |
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mood |
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 moody |
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music |
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none |
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Dreams do not stop
They awake me in the night
I do not believe much in the analysis of dreams but...
Last night in my dreams I was surrounded by baked goods
I held close these "fruit squared hearts" someone asked me if I could make more but I could not
The reason why was kyn and I had made them and the license to make them was only valid when him and I were together.
I went to a wedding last night and the bride and groom had the sweetest story... I only thought to myself... where is my fizzy/flat?
Location:who cares? Why did I do that? Why do I seem to chase a good thing away? Why did I let W ruin my future relationships? Scare me?
I have already caused trouble in riverside county... I mean legally... speeding to maybe suspend my license? I was detained on my birthday. I was speeding back home? I did not realize? I guess I was determined.
I wish...
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| inland empire |
[
01:50pm on 4/11/09 ] |
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mood |
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curious |
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music |
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80s ? |
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I live in the inland empire, now. I have yet to find the means to adjust. The lack of a social grounding has put me into a deep state of depression. I miss certain people. I miss certain people beyond my will to be happy. Fudge! Job hunting has not worked out so far. Do I belong here?
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| Moving out of Orange County |
[
05:57pm on 12/10/09 ] |
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Successful garage sale this weekend
I could not help but be uncomfortable with my Grandma asking me why I did not tell her I was having a garage sale 10+x a day.
I wanted to leave here with confidence things would be taken care of and no worries.
Unfortunatly Adult Protective Services, Social Services, and no surprise my Uncle failed to provide relief.
When my car is back from the repair shop, no doubt will I be at the elder care center striking back.
I move to the Inland Empire in 2 days and life for me begins. The care my Grandma needs has long been past my abilities.
My family might be gone but I am sure to adopt a new one. ^_^
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| We do not talk anymore |
[
10:05am on 9/10/09 ] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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music |
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none |
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On the curb I sat
Not knowing
So-far from me now
And with my sorrow, grows spite
For what was not wanted or what I would like
Feeling like a mound of flesh and slight disrespect
You are now gone by choice
this is still a long distance
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| stargate... uauLLY aids sleep.... ahhh RA |
[
06:07am on 28/5/09 ] |
211
smart recovery
8669515357]
i suppose i should get my feelings out....?
um i woke up... and grammys was gone....
i was studying a lot and my uncle was here... he took her...
anyway, he thinks i am trouble because i am trying to get things done which basically means his ass is grass.... hahahhaha
i laugh because that is really what you do in a situation you cannot control... you try to think of the perks in life... where i am not at right now... that i have people that care,... even if it is the alzheimers association at 4 am ... they are there for me...
so, i am worried much abvout grammms.... so much i could not sleep all night... she has become similiar to my child the alz assoc said... so ya... you might be up all night if your child was taken while you napped on your freaking physics book... life.....
well
what about it?
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[
06:07am on 28/5/09 ] |
A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave.
Benjamin Franklin
Leisure is the time for doing something useful. This leisure the diligent person will obtain the lazy one never.
Benjamin Franklin
- Saved these last night but I decided to post them on the "eljay"(as my G1 calls livejournal) because I have a hard time accepting this generation of apathetic, lazy, passionless, dreamer
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| wow |
[
09:16pm on 11/4/09 ] |
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mood |
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moods |
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music |
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dunnnps |
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I am experimenting with life becqause people cannot take my "stress' or so vcalled... I am.... too much? I would rather think not... but... I have come to believe people do not. Believe in me... given up on me... so here I akm in who knows where la
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| Warm Ear...ls |
[
04:57am on 3/4/09 ] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Audio readings of Naked Lunch by William Burroughs on the 2nd disc Naked Lunch DVD |
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Vanity, i said, more pictures of myself... i said...
Pictures taken by me he said...
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| "it is not your part to finish the task: yet neither you free to desist from it." - Rabbi Tarfon, Pi |
[
01:17pm on 29/3/09 ] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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music |
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somaFM (i am experimenting!) |
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Optimistic is the mood I easily selected for this post because after a conversation with an old chap that I am almost certain my past self might have taken too seriously, dwelled on, put forth more effort and time into the conversation when known to be futile and ultimately making myself feel much worse and them better at my own expense? I have been wanting to describe some characteristics of physical laws such as their universality, completeness, and relation to mathematics.
Individual reflection and hard work are the creative moments that produce insights crucial to science and i can apply that philosophically (in logic) to that conversations existence before, during, and after.
I want to talk about a healthy sense of ego and intellectual intolerance... and how it is crucial to the conduct of inquiry.
How i would love to go into this further but i really need to study and clean for I may be having a guest later today!
I take my work very seriously. I do not have time for tension... "humanity is a liability"... i read it somewhere... i do not know who to quote... but it was not my original thought...
Intellectual aggression for what means but to feel ones personal growth of intellect? I would not consider that a form of intellectual conversation but rather I wish I had time to be interested in the mind of one such as this past friend.
I feel GRAND actually FANTASTIC maybe that is sadistic of me to say since she might not be feeling too satisfied by me not letting her get the self-gratification she so longed for by trying to bring me down? Predicting a future for me that included failure? Pointing out positive parts of my life and making them appear negative? It made me feel good inside to really see how much i have grown... because I have not spoken to her in such a long time.
She could be in this math relation considered "classical" ... Determinism... applied ... quantum theory denied ....
Which i am not saying is a bad thing? Could it be read as such? Maybe? It was needed for what we have today!
Thank you! Twice this week I was able to show myself that I just will not tolerate... I will always have the natural, motherly, loving, person in me that gives someone some sort of chance... but i will not put up with people taking advantage of me... taking my time... or trying to beat me up emotionally for some other reason?
I just want you to all know! I am doing good! I am getting a letter of recommendation by a UCI physics professor that I am taking a class at OCC with... that is a good story.. i will post later!!!!
I can get the paper work for my Associates degree for Psychology and I hope that will help my resume!
I think I will go make love to equations in the shower (DAMN i love those shower crayolas!!!! Every math/physics major should have them!!!!... my friend Thomas uses the steam on his sliding doors in the shower... hehe...)
Lauren and I have been treating our bodies to extra girly care all week! I feel like i could slide all around town ... butter baby ... yea!
Beloved... did you know.... i think of you... (sometimes... ^_^... u slip into a formula...)
Long distance but not that far, far enough that we will have the excite, time to do my studies is very important as is your work I am sure... this future ... i say BEHOLD...
LJ RUSSIA COME TO ME!
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| Shocked that thee LJ user is still HARD for electricity... anything? Fun Facts For Friends! |
[
01:18pm on 25/3/09 ] |
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mood |
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energetic |
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music |
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The Magnetic Fields |
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# 411 people died from electrocutions in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)
# 0.63 per million people died from electrocutions in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)
# Large appliance were responsible for 19% of electrocution deaths in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)
# Installed household wiring was responsible for 11% of electrocution deaths in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)
Somebody asked me this weekend why the electric chair was invented and still used even after many botched electrocutions? I immediately thought to myself "BECAUSE IT IS BRUTAL" but having been electrocuted, the feeling is as if you were submerged in a body of water (comfortable temp. you do not notice the temp) and the sensations of vibrations, which move you around in the water very slowly, and the state is unreal. Pain was measured after the disconnection took place and I was said to seizure? Anyway, what is interesting to me about the "reason WHY the electric chair was created" is not the "fact" some thought hanging to be grotesque, cruel, and becoming archaic only making people feel barbaric (which i explained and was not believed... what is new) inspiration to create the electric chair was a witness to an accidental death of an intoxicated man falling on some sort of generator?
Interesting FACT about the electric chair... BOTH EDISON and TESLA AT FIRST said "No way are you using electricity to kill criminals" WELL EDISON GAVE IN... (sell out... always) He TRIED to state AC current was much more dangerous by killing animals on stage for the press to see... because Edison loved DC electricity... Anyway, they take Teslas design of Alternating current of course and u need more AC than DC or so they said... taking 80 minutes to kill their first criminal.
Poor Tesla...
I am going to go study now for Physics and Finite math CRACK! With Laurz... I got way into this livejournal entry... I am ADHD ...
I do not like being controlled ... I do not like people that do not listen to me... I cannot believe I thought i could social network successfully from a dating website!?! do not let the men fool you?!
Not too far from here... when i think of .... my heart flutters... it is crazy i know... How everything went the way it did... for now my strength... to no longer die another day... because i spent too much time ... wasting away with some JERKS that do not deserve my time, your time, or anybodies time!
I AM SICK OF PROCRASTINATION
I DO NOT LIKE PLANS THAT ARE LIKE ROCKS... THEY DO NOT GO ANYWHERE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PRODUCTIVITY AND TIME MANAGEMENT?
STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO AND JUST DO IT!!!! DAMMIT ESP. WHEN YOU ARE 25 PLUS!?!?1?!!?!?!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR>!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
FREAKING GENERATION OF APATHETIC, LAZY, DREAMERS, THINKING EVERYTHING WILL JUST LAND IN THEIR LAPS! (Well, unless you are Warren Myers this is not TRUE!)
I LOVE MYSELF
I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY OF YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE EVERYONE! THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO HELP THEM OR BE NEAR THEM... NOT ANYMORE... ANYWAY!
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| time stands still... |
[
02:30pm on 12/3/09 ] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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the magnetic fields |
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Your cactus is where your heart should be
Flowers distract me-oh so pretty
Always pricking me
I stick because ...I am stuck because... I just cannot tare myself away...
(Partial magnetic fields lyrics)
(This song reminded me of some people I have known... but I know better now?)
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| OMG |
[
05:26pm on 15/12/08 ] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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04/2006... and still
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| Non-Stop Violence |
[
03:47pm on 15/12/08 ] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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work
Certainly, a day's work in the fields labor
toil all day, slog all night
drudgery, not similar to the drudge report
exertion and no, sexual pleasure
effort turns almost into madness
industry or lack there of an industry
service; grind up against, sweat drips onto, elbow grease or was that milky colored; literary travail.
her mouth worked furiously twitch, quiver, convulse.
The end of November came and things did not work out the way she planned; happen, occur
So we work out what we can afford
She worked out a plan devise, formulate, draw up, put together, develop, construct, arrange, organize, contrive, concoct
WORK UP THE enthusiasm YOU MUST stimulate, rouse, raise, arouse, awaken, excite.
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| ... |
[
05:57pm on 7/12/08 ] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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technicolor radio on Itunes |
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