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the fourth

The holidays in this city are taken to another level. I think the meaning behind them has been lost long ago. It is very apparent to me that holidays are an excuse to get drunk everyday. Watching the people fly by on their golf carts and boats screaming is sadly entertaining.

Things are very different now.

the spice

rain and obesity.

Busy bee

I am writing a speech for my Argument and Advocacy class and it is giving me a mini-heart-attack.
Luckily on a midterm for my english course I received a 100. I am thinking this 100 is a mistake?
Grinding my teeth away at the research project about Conspiracy Theory/Illuminati.
Gladly taking classes that are working my writing abilities.

Ramey is taking me somewhere tonight and it is supposed to be a secret. Being a code deciphering women I know it is going to be at the Improv, but who and what imrpov?

I guess the company I work for got a fraud alert last week and now I cannot deposit my check.
What the heck! Get it together man.


It is almost like I missing every important aspect of my best friend's lives.
Is this part of the aging process?
Is it the fact I live in Riverside County?
I am starting to get sad...
My best friend got married and did not invite me.
The luxurious facebook shows me that she is asking one of her work buddies to be her official brides maid when they have an official marriage at a church(they eloped at a court).
My lil sister best gal pal just started at a University. I almost wish our paths could have crossed in that we could be college dorm buddies and take care of each other.
I feel very upset that I could not be closer to them through their life changing experiences.

I am also angry.
I have suggested for about 4 weeks(since I heard Hilary and her bf at the time bought a house on lake street which is less than 10 minutes from me)that I see Hilary and her husbands new place. It has not happened.
Lauren came out here once to pick me up for our Palm Springs trip... and that seemed like the most inconvenient thing to her.

I still love these gals, but I feel like I am such a separate part of THEIR lives.

I am depressed and whatever.
The age of 27 creeps on me, and I finally know the feeling of age and what that means.

I am a heffer.

Regardless to my discontent:
I had a most awesome meet up with my friends for a Shipwreck adventure! Tyler and Sarah, Lauren and Ty, and Kristyn and her friends decided to join me. The nostalgic tones of the event were most enjoyable!

Excuse me, for something that might just be hormonal.

I want to meet with Kyn, but it seems like this obligation I have on Monday keeps jacking my groove. ugh.



Learning more about myself and the aging process sends shivers down my spine.
I need to finish writing my paper and get on the exercise bike.



Slowly, with great hurt, like giving birth to some endless and primeval baby, i sit here and let the sensations spring up, look at themselves and record themselves in words.
Once again exorcising the horrors and the fears. I just recently restored myself, but tonight I am not sure of it.
Let the words come and speak it all, sounding themselves and tasting themselves.
Life feels like walking up to a rattle snake that does not bite

Hello! Hi! Herro! Hallo! helloski





Dennis Hopper Died


another night in the IE and dejected

can i write something really quick?
Grandma is in the hospital and she broke her hip

we end up with a lot of pieces of paper

here we are 2010
what do you want to do?
Are we what you might call a cat's paw?

what does the donkey wish to say?
do you wish to consider tomorrows life?
do you have to be so depressed to consider?
what do THEY think...
here comes the dingbat the dumdum and do we also see the flake the lame
i wish to go on
too scared to die