"Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it."

inland empire

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:51:01 GMT

I live in the inland empire, now. I have yet to find the means to adjust. The lack of a social grounding has put me into a deep state of depression. I miss certain people. I miss certain people beyond my will to be happy. Fudge! Job hunting has not worked out so far. Do I belong here?

I know you said...

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:05:53 GMT

...i emailed

Moving out of Orange County

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:57:15 GMT

Successful garage sale this weekend
I could not help but be uncomfortable with my Grandma asking me why I did not tell her I was having a garage sale 10+x a day.
I wanted to leave here with confidence things would be taken care of and no worries.
Unfortunatly Adult Protective Services, Social Services, and no surprise my Uncle failed to provide relief.

When my car is back from the repair shop, no doubt will I be at the elder care center striking back.

I move to the Inland Empire in 2 days and life for me begins. The care my Grandma needs has long been past my abilities.

My family might be gone but I am sure to adopt a new one. ^_^

We do not talk anymore

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:05:35 GMT

On the curb I sat
Not knowing
So-far from me now
And with my sorrow, grows spite
For what was not wanted or what I would like
Feeling like a mound of flesh and slight disrespect
You are now gone by choice
this is still a long distance

stargate... uauLLY aids sleep.... ahhh RA

Thu, 28 May 2009 13:08:59 GMT

211
smart recovery
8669515357]

i suppose i should get my feelings out....?
um i woke up... and grammys was gone....
i was studying a lot and my uncle was here... he took her...
anyway, he thinks i am trouble because i am trying to get things done which basically means his ass is grass.... hahahhaha
i laugh because that is really what you do in a situation you cannot control... you try to think of the perks in life... where i am not at right now... that i have people that care,... even if it is the alzheimers association at 4 am ... they are there for me...
so, i am worried much abvout grammms.... so much i could not sleep all night... she has become similiar to my child the alz assoc said... so ya... you might be up all night if your child was taken while you napped on your freaking physics book... life.....
well
what about it?

Thu, 28 May 2009 13:07:39 GMT

A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave.
Benjamin Franklin

Leisure is the time for doing something useful. This leisure the diligent person will obtain the lazy one never.
Benjamin Franklin

- Saved these last night but I decided to post them on the "eljay"(as my G1 calls livejournal) because I have a hard time accepting this generation of apathetic, lazy, passionless, dreamer

wow

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:16:18 GMT

I am experimenting with life becqause people cannot take my "stress' or so vcalled... I am.... too much? I would rather think not... but... I have come to believe people do not. Believe in me... given up on me... so here I akm in who knows where la

Warm Ear...ls

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 11:56:44 GMT

Vanity, i said, more pictures of myself... i said...
Pictures taken by me he said...

"it is not your part to finish the task: yet neither you free to desist from it." - Rabbi Tarfon, Pi

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 20:17:14 GMT

Optimistic is the mood I easily selected for this post because after a conversation with an old chap that I am almost certain my past self might have taken too seriously, dwelled on, put forth more effort and time into the conversation when known to be futile and ultimately making myself feel much worse and them better at my own expense? I have been wanting to describe some characteristics of physical laws such as their universality, completeness, and relation to mathematics.
Individual reflection and hard work are the creative moments that produce insights crucial to science and i can apply that philosophically (in logic) to that conversations existence before, during, and after.
I want to talk about a healthy sense of ego and intellectual intolerance... and how it is crucial to the conduct of inquiry.
How i would love to go into this further but i really need to study and clean for I may be having a guest later today!

I take my work very seriously. I do not have time for tension... "humanity is a liability"... i read it somewhere... i do not know who to quote... but it was not my original thought...
Intellectual aggression for what means but to feel ones personal growth of intellect? I would not consider that a form of intellectual conversation but rather I wish I had time to be interested in the mind of one such as this past friend.

I feel GRAND actually FANTASTIC maybe that is sadistic of me to say since she might not be feeling too satisfied by me not letting her get the self-gratification she so longed for by trying to bring me down? Predicting a future for me that included failure? Pointing out positive parts of my life and making them appear negative? It made me feel good inside to really see how much i have grown... because I have not spoken to her in such a long time.

She could be in this math relation considered "classical" ... Determinism... applied ... quantum theory denied ....

Which i am not saying is a bad thing? Could it be read as such? Maybe? It was needed for what we have today!

Thank you! Twice this week I was able to show myself that I just will not tolerate... I will always have the natural, motherly, loving, person in me that gives someone some sort of chance... but i will not put up with people taking advantage of me... taking my time... or trying to beat me up emotionally for some other reason?

I just want you to all know! I am doing good! I am getting a letter of recommendation by a UCI physics professor that I am taking a class at OCC with... that is a good story.. i will post later!!!!
I can get the paper work for my Associates degree for Psychology and I hope that will help my resume!

I think I will go make love to equations in the shower (DAMN i love those shower crayolas!!!! Every math/physics major should have them!!!!... my friend Thomas uses the steam on his sliding doors in the shower... hehe...)

Lauren and I have been treating our bodies to extra girly care all week! I feel like i could slide all around town ... butter baby ... yea!
Beloved... did you know.... i think of you... (sometimes... ^_^... u slip into a formula...)
Long distance but not that far, far enough that we will have the excite, time to do my studies is very important as is your work I am sure... this future ... i say BEHOLD...

LJ RUSSIA COME TO ME!

Shocked that thee LJ user is still HARD for electricity... anything? Fun Facts For Friends!

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:18:07 GMT

# 411 people died from electrocutions in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)

# 0.63 per million people died from electrocutions in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)

# Large appliance were responsible for 19% of electrocution deaths in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)

# Installed household wiring was responsible for 11% of electrocution deaths in the US 2001 (US Consumer Product Safety)

Somebody asked me this weekend why the electric chair was invented and still used even after many botched electrocutions? I immediately thought to myself "BECAUSE IT IS BRUTAL" but having been electrocuted, the feeling is as if you were submerged in a body of water (comfortable temp. you do not notice the temp) and the sensations of vibrations, which move you around in the water very slowly, and the state is unreal. Pain was measured after the disconnection took place and I was said to seizure? Anyway, what is interesting to me about the "reason WHY the electric chair was created" is not the "fact" some thought hanging to be grotesque, cruel, and becoming archaic only making people feel barbaric (which i explained and was not believed... what is new) inspiration to create the electric chair was a witness to an accidental death of an intoxicated man falling on some sort of generator?

Interesting FACT about the electric chair... BOTH EDISON and TESLA AT FIRST said "No way are you using electricity to kill criminals" WELL EDISON GAVE IN... (sell out... always) He TRIED to state AC current was much more dangerous by killing animals on stage for the press to see... because Edison loved DC electricity... Anyway, they take Teslas design of Alternating current of course and u need more AC than DC or so they said... taking 80 minutes to kill their first criminal.

Poor Tesla...
I am going to go study now for Physics and Finite math CRACK! With Laurz... I got way into this livejournal entry... I am ADHD ...

I do not like being controlled ... I do not like people that do not listen to me... I cannot believe I thought i could social network successfully from a dating website!?! do not let the men fool you?!

Not too far from here... when i think of .... my heart flutters... it is crazy i know... How everything went the way it did... for now my strength... to no longer die another day... because i spent too much time ... wasting away with some JERKS that do not deserve my time, your time, or anybodies time!

I AM SICK OF PROCRASTINATION
I DO NOT LIKE PLANS THAT ARE LIKE ROCKS... THEY DO NOT GO ANYWHERE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PRODUCTIVITY AND TIME MANAGEMENT?
STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO AND JUST DO IT!!!! DAMMIT ESP. WHEN YOU ARE 25 PLUS!?!?1?!!?!?!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR>!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
FREAKING GENERATION OF APATHETIC, LAZY, DREAMERS, THINKING EVERYTHING WILL JUST LAND IN THEIR LAPS! (Well, unless you are Warren Myers this is not TRUE!)

I LOVE MYSELF
I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY OF YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE EVERYONE! THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO HELP THEM OR BE NEAR THEM... NOT ANYMORE... ANYWAY!

time stands still...

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 21:30:35 GMT

Your cactus is where your heart should be
Flowers distract me-oh so pretty
Always pricking me
I stick because ...I am stuck because... I just cannot tare myself away...

(Partial magnetic fields lyrics)
(This song reminded me of some people I have known... but I know better now?)

maybe i am all mixed up...maybe im all mixed up in you

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:14:16 GMT

It was rather cold, no quantum mechanics on the tile tonight, low % on the choice of booze,

OMG

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 01:33:19 GMT

04/2006... and still

Non-Stop Violence

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:07:38 GMT

work
Certainly, a day's work in the fields labor
toil all day, slog all night
drudgery, not similar to the drudge report
exertion and no, sexual pleasure
effort turns almost into madness
industry or lack there of an industry
service; grind up against, sweat drips onto, elbow grease or was that milky colored; literary travail.

her mouth worked furiously twitch, quiver, convulse.

The end of November came and things did not work out the way she planned; happen, occur
So we work out what we can afford

She worked out a plan devise, formulate, draw up, put together, develop, construct, arrange, organize, contrive, concoct

WORK UP THE enthusiasm YOU MUST stimulate, rouse, raise, arouse, awaken, excite.

Dallas, Texas Photos (not all in Dallas)

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:41:35 GMT

Landing in Ft.Worth/Dallas Airport

Charmed, I was and nonplussed as well

"Domicile"

Chicas Chicas Chicas somewhere

Travels

Yes

I came home to my county on fire!

My HTML is a little edgy... I want to see how this turned out... I should have named the photos so i could explain them... whatever, i will do better next time

Water Garden Photos Next.

Just for fun... and because i think i miss the delirious days sometimes

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:31:03 GMT

HarleyQuinn
It was not halloween

...

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 01:57:29 GMT

First Dallas, Texas photo

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 01:59:11 GMT

Best View
Best View of Downtown Dallas, Texas (more to come)

I am putting off my texas post... again

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 04:28:57 GMT

DO NOT WAlk WHERE I SWEEP AND MOP!

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 01:39:32 GMT

A "moutza", or mountza, (μούντζα) is the most traditional gesture of insult among Greeks which consists of extending all fingers and presenting the palm towards the to-be-insulted person in a forward motion. It is often coupled with the expletives "να" (na), "παρ'τα" (par'ta) or "όρσε" (órse), meaning "here", "take these" and "there you go", respectively.

An even more offensive version is achieved by using both hands to double the gesture, smacking the palm of one hand against the back of the other, in the direction of the intended recipient. The closer the gesture is to the other person's face the more threatening it's considered.

Deep in the Heart of Texas

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:31:46 GMT

DALLAS, TEXAS

The top of the building

From the street, looking up

APPETENCE VS. ACTIVITY

Five days of my life
Taking to my mind with a knife
No excuse not to flight
Bring full darkness, I can find light
Character defects in plane sight
Reflective at night

Featureless achievement
Exploit the indifferent
Distantly without endearment
Endless internal complement

Complicacy residence
Change to the appearance

List made
(Out dated)
"NO MORE"… laden

Pacify
Mollify

Appease
for
ME

In force practicing
Opposed to resting

END

I have pictures from Texas and details about my trip… I will post that later
I tried to write again… WHY I picked poetry is beyond me…
Death and rebirth can cause insanity beyond anything fathomable.
RAMBLES OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
I have been eating Vegan since the 10th, actively going to the gym, involving my Grandma in activities, socializing daily, cooking, filled one garbage bag full of things in my room and threw them away, no fast food, went to a club and met people, played brain games while my Grandma watched mindless television, and stopped taking two of my medications.

I refuse to live the way that I did…

OBAMA

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:57:40 GMT

it was my birthday November 4th 2008
it was election day November 4th 2008
ALL i wanted for my birthday... i got president Obama

do you believe

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:59:08 GMT

In 3 days I will be in Texas.
I am kind of scared but it is exciting.
My Grandma is really angry with me "You are abandoning me" "How will i get to the store" "I will be all alone in the house for a week" I depend on you for everything, i will not be able to live... basically.
So, how does one have a good time knowing everyone is selfish and does not want them to go? EVEN MY CAT.

Staying clean in TX will be good for me... being around somebody sober and vegan will be good for me... i am just a little ball or big ball of anxiety.
I hate big airplanes... they take forever to get anywhere. I will have to bring my Nintendo DS with me and a book I will be too nervous to read.
Next week will be a challenge for me... I am slightly afraid to leave my responsibilities and the house.

i am crazy

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:26:24 GMT

i cannot believe i am going to texas

National Alliance of the Mentally Ill WALK

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:15:08 GMT

http://www.nami.org/walkTemplate.cfm?section=namiwalks&Template=/customsource/namiwalks/walkerpage.cfm&walkerID=49057

A message from Andrea:

Welcome to my personal web page for NAMIWalks for the Mind of America. I have created this fundraising page because NAMI, and the work they do, is very important to me.

Donating to me through this page is easy, fast and secure. It is also the most efficient way to sponsor me. Any amount will make a difference for NAMI, but please try to give generously.

Mental Illness hits close to home in numerous ways. A short time ago, I was diagnosed with a treatable but not curable mental illness, which I am still having difficulty coming to terms with due to the stigma. My Grandfather died in February 2008 and he suffered from many mental illnesses that were left untreated due to the poor funding at the VA hospital. If they would have taken his mental illnesses as serious as his cardiac problems, i think he may have lived a happier life. Mental illness took a good friend from me as well. His name was John and he suffered from schizophrenia. John treated for his illness was not enough. John committed suicide almost 2 years ago in November. PLEASE know that this lack of care and stigma cannot go on forever... it must be SMASHED. Other team members of mine have their own personal story... please check out each individual page. thank you.

Both NAMI and I appreciate your donation. Thank you for your support.